


On Edge

by Bladam_Shevine



Category: South Park
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Depression, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Friendship, Hospitalization, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Romance, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, Teen Romance, Teenagers, Triggers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-03
Updated: 2017-09-10
Packaged: 2018-12-23 04:20:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,321
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11982009
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bladam_Shevine/pseuds/Bladam_Shevine
Summary: There were days where Tweek could barely get himself out of bed. He would just lie in bed all day, staring at the wall in front of him. But he would always tell Craig that morning when it was one of his off days. A simple one-lined message that would tell Craig that his boyfriend just needed a rest, even though it hurt Craig to know how much the blonde-haired boy was suffering. But today, when Craig didn’t hear anything from Tweek until that evening, was more than just a “bad day”. Tweek had given up. He had succumbed to his depression, and now Craig could only hope that his boyfriend would still be alive when he arrived to that bridge.





	1. Chapter One

He didn’t know how it had come to this. He just didn’t understand. Yesterday was a great day. He got up, went to the gym, went home and played some video games, invited his boyfriend over, ordered a pizza and snuggled on the couch while watching TV. Yesterday was great, yesterday was fun, yesterday was… normal.

And today, everything was wrong. Eerily wrong. He knew it something was off since he woke up that morning. The first clue was the lack of text messages on his phone. He always woke up to a good morning text from his early-riser boyfriend, Tweek. The teen was so high on caffeine all the time that he barely got any sleep at night and always woke before the sun came out.

He texted his boyfriend, worried asking if he was okay… something just felt wrong. And that text was hours ago. It was now shortly after 7pm when Craig Tucker found himself looking down at his phone, feeling his stomach churn as he read the text in front of him.

_“I don’t think I can do this anymore.”_

Craig quickly replied, anxious for the answer. “ _What are you talking about? Where are you?”_

It felt like hours for Tweek’s reply to come, though realistically only a couple minutes had passed by.

“ _I’m on a bridge.”_

A bridge? What did he mean he was on a bridge? Craig was sick with worry.

“ _Tweek. I’m going to come and find you just tell me where you are.”_

_“I can’t do this anymore, Craig.”_

_“Tweek please. What bridge are you on?”_

_“The one near Stark’s pond.”_

_“Okay. Stay there I’ll be there in 5.”_

Craig quickly shoved his phone in his pocket as he rushed to grab his coat and run out the door into the freezing cold. It was already dark out, since it was only a couple weeks until Christmas. It was also snowing heavily. He was running so fast out to his car that he hadn’t even noticed the patch of ice covering the driveway that caused him to slip. He hit the ground hard as he felt his phone crack in his back pocket.

“Shit.”

He quickly took it out to examine it, but it was broken up badly. The screen was too cracked to send Tweek another text. _Please just hold on for me, Tweek._ He thought to himself.

He struggled to pull himself off the ground, trying not to slip again and made his way into the front seat of his car, not even waiting for the vehicle to warm up as he sped off to his boyfriend’s apparent location. He drove fast in the snowstorm, squinting his eyes as he tried to see, but it was impossible to see even just a few feet in front of him.  

 _Why was Tweek standing on a bridge? He couldn’t be thinking of jumping could he?_ Craig thought about how rough the past year of Tweek’s life had been. His parents separated just after last Christmas, mostly due to financial problems. His mom left him and his dad and went to move in with her parents. The separation was hard on Tweek and his grades began to suffer. The boys were in junior year now, meaning that next year they would have to start applying for college. Tweek was constantly stressed out, but his moods often fluctuated between highs and lows. Some days, he would be happy and you would find him partying hard at Clyde’s weekly Friday night bangers.

Then there were days where Tweek could barely get himself out of bed. Sometimes he didn’t even bother. He would just lie in bed all day, staring at the wall in front of him. But he would always tell Craig that morning when it was one of his off days. A simple one-lined message that would tell Craig that his boyfriend just needed a rest, even though it hurt Craig to know how much the blonde-haired boy was suffering. But today, when Craig didn’t hear anything from Tweek until that evening, was more than just a “bad day”. Tweek had given up. He had succumbed to his depression, and now Craig could only hope that his boyfriend would still be alive when he arrived to that bridge.

When Craig finally arrived, he jumped out of the car and didn’t even bother locking it and instead ran towards the bridge, praying to every God he knew of that he would find his boyfriend, alive and well.  He looked around, trying to find Tweek in the stormy weather, and gasped when he saw the teenager on hanging off the ledge, staring into the freezing water below him. 

“Tweek!” Craig shouted as he rushed towards the boy.

Tweek continued to stare at the river, not saying a word.

“Tweek what are you doing here?”

“I don’t want to live anymore, Craig.”

Craig’s mouth opened in shock at the boy’s answer and he suddenly wished that his phone wasn’t smashed so that he could call 911 and hopefully get some help besides himself in talking his boyfriend off the ledge.

“Tweek, just please come back over the railing so we can talk about this.” But Tweek did not move.

“I’ve made up my mind, Craig.”

“Tweek please don’t do this, I need you in my life. I don’t know what I’d do without you.” Craig cringed slightly at how cliché his last sentence had sounded, though every word was true.

“There’s no point anymore.” Craig felt tears forming in his eyes as he realized how empty Tweek’s voice sounded. His boyfriend had truly lost all hope, and Craig was beginning to wonder if he would even be successful in trying to talk him out of suicide.

Just as Craig was praying for a miracle to happen, for someone else to come and help him he noticed headlights approaching him, and quickly moved out of the way as the car slowed down next to him. The driver rolled down their window and he immediately recognized the faces of Stan Marsh, Kyle Broflovski and Kenny McCormick.

“Dude, Craig, what are you doing out here? Do you need a ride somewhere?” Stan asked him.

“N-no it’s Tweek… You gotta help me.” Craig stuttered out. Tweek didn’t even seem to notice the other car that had pulled up.

Stan leaned out of the window to try and look past Craig, only to gasp and jump out of the car, followed closely by Kyle and Kenny.

“What is he doing? What’s going on?” Kyle asked in a panicked tone.

“He’s threatening to jump. I’m trying to talk him down but he won’t listen. My phone’s broken; you guys have to call the police.”

Kenny quickly did what Craig asked and stepped away, dialing 911 and Craig felt relieved that help would be on the way soon. He didn’t know what he would do if he lost his boyfriend, his Tweek.

Kyle cautiously walked towards Tweek and attempted to talk to his friend. “Tweek, dude, I don’t know what’s going on, but you have to climb over.”

Tweek didn’t reply.

Stan grabbed Craig by the arm and dragged him aside, as they left Kyle to try and talk to Tweek.

“What’s going on Craig, how did he get like this?”

Craig shrugged. “He just texted me… Saying he couldn’t do it anymore then told me he was on a bridge… I drove over here and found him.”

“Did you know he was suicidal?” Craig shook his head. “I knew he was depressed… But I didn’t think it was this bad…”

Craig looked up to see Kenny waving at the two boys to get their attention. He then mouthed the words “police and ambulance are on their way”. Craig sighed in relief, a brief moment of relief that was quickly taken away from him when he heard Kyle’s panicked voice shout out “Tweek no!”

Craig turned around only moments before he saw his boyfriend go off the edge of the bridge, into the cold water below.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry if you hate cliffhangers. but I'll try and update as soon as possible!


	2. Chapter Two

It took the strength of both Stan and Kenny to hold Craig back from jumping over the bridge himself after seeing his boyfriend go over.

Kyle anxiously waved the parade of emergency vehicles over to their location. After explaining the situation to the officers, several firefighters raced down the hill towards the river’s edge. Craig broke out of the tight grip on his arms from his two friends and ran after the men.

“The bridge wasn’t that high up, he may have survived the fall.” Stated one of the officers.

Craig watched in horror as several firefighters went knee-deep into the water searching for the blonde-haired boy.

“I think I see something!” One of them shouted. The men trudged deeper into the freezing water towards a lump figure, face-down in the darkness. The body was slumped against a tree branch which was the only thing stopping it from going further down the river. Three firefighters grabbed the pale boy and carried it to shore. Craig watched the action unfold, praying that his boyfriend- his Tweek- would be okay.

Craig sighed in relief as the men finally managed to get Tweek onto dry ground. _They found him. It’s going to be okay._ But his relief was swiped from him when he heard the words “He’s not breathing!”

Several paramedics surrounded Tweek’s lifeless body and began to perform CPR.

Craig felt a hand on his left shoulder and turned around to see Kyle.

“It’s going to be okay.” Said the red-headed boy, but his voice sounded unsure. Craig saw that two police officers were talking to Stan and Kenny, gathering statements on what had happened.

Though it was only minutes that passed when Craig stood there, sobbing as he watched paramedics desperately try to bring life back to Tweek, it felt like hours before he finally heard someone shout “We have a pulse!” Quickly, not wanting to lose any unnecessary time, the medics strapped Tweek to a gurney and sped off in the ambulance, wanting to get the boy there before his heart stopped again.

Craig was so overwhelmed with everything that had just happened; he hadn’t even realized how unwell he felt. The shock of the situation began to set in and a wave of dizziness overcame the black-haired teen.

“Craig, are you okay?” Kyle asked.

But he couldn’t answer. He just couldn’t fathom what had happened. Tweek just tried to kill himself… He attempted suicide. Why? What could’ve happened to his lover to make him feel as if the only answer to his suffering was to end it all?

Craig fell to his knees, hyperventilating at the thought of losing his boyfriend. Kyle kneeled in front of him, asking him questions that weren’t quite coherent. His world was a blur, and in only a matter of seconds his world faded to black.

***

Craig awoke to the sound of a hospital monitor, beeping slowly to the sound of his own heartbeat. He sluggishly opened his eyes to a dimly lit room painted a pale shade of green that smelt of cleaning products. He looked down and saw an IV tube inserted into his arm, allowing medication to flow through his blood stream. He tried not to think about it, the thought of blood making him feel queasy.

He rolled his head to the side to see Kyle sitting in the chair next to his bed, a magazine in his hand. Craig let out a light cough to alert the Jewish boy that he had woke up. Kyle looked up, startled at the sudden sound.

“Craig! You’re awake!” Craig nodded.

“How do you feel? We called your parents; they’re on their way- just stuck in traffic.”

Craig sat up in bed, trying to release the stiffness in his back. “I feel… Confused. What happened?”

“You passed out, dude. Probably due to shock… I don’t blame you, I mean after what happened and everything…”

 _After what happened…_ And it was at those words that escaped from Kyle Broflovski’s mouth that Craig felt like he was hit by a truck filled with the memories of the events of that evening.

Tweek’s texts, Tweek standing on the bridge, Tweek saying his goodbyes, Tweek jumping off the ledge…

Craig threw the blankets off of himself and jumped out of the bed, ripping the IV out of his arm in the process and allowing a stream of blood to come oozing out of his pale skin.

“Tweek! I have to go see Tweek! Where is he? Is he okay?” Words poured out his mouth as Kyle stood up from his seat and stopped Craig from leaving the room.

“Craig, you have to lie back down, you’re not well.”

Craig slapped Kyle’s hand away from the grip on his arm.

“Where is he, Kyle? I need to see him.”

“Craig-“

“NOW KYLE!”

Kyle sighed and gently instructed Craig to sit on the edge of the hospital bed. “Craig, just sit down a moment so I can update you on his condition.” Craig obliged and sat, impatiently waiting for the news.

“Tweek had no major injuries to his body; thankfully the fall from the bridge was not that high. However, the water was very cold and he does seem to be suffering from hypothermia, which he is being treated for right now, but there is nothing life-threatening that the doctors are worried about.”

Craig sighed in relief at the news. _Tweek was okay. He was going to live._

“Thank God.” Craig couldn’t help but smile.

“But-“ Kyle pursed his lips, unsure how to deliver the next bit of news.

“But what, Kyle? When can I see him?”

“Craig, you can’t go see him… At least not yet. Tweek is being held under 72 hour observation. They’re placing him under suicide watch. He’s not allowed to have visitors right now.”

Craig felt his smile fade and tears well up in his eyes. “I-I can’t see him?”

“Not right now, Craig. I’m sorry.”

Craig felt the tears that had formed escape his eyes and pour down his cheeks. “B-but I have to see him, Kyle. You don’t understand… He needs me… I need him…”

Kyle sat beside his friend and put his arm around his shoulder, comforting the sobbing boy. They sat like that for about an hour before his parents showed up to take him home.

He walked out of the hospital, his parents on either side of him, while Stan, Kenny, and Kyle walked in silence behind the Tucker family. He heard them talking, but he didn’t listen to anything but his own thoughts and all he could think in that moment was:

“ _I’m going to save you, Tweek.”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another short chapter, but I just wanted to add in something before I get overwhelmed with school work! Future chapters will be longer, hopefully!


	3. Chapter Three

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tried to make this chapter a little bit longer for you guys. Sorry it took me a while to update, I've been super busy, I'm having a lot of health problems and also trying to keep up with school work. But hope you enjoy anyways!

Craig lay in his bed, staring up at his ceiling. He hadn’t eaten since the morning of the day Tweek attempted suicide. He hadn’t showered, and barely slept, except for couple hours throughout the day. Sleep was the only escape from the truth of what happened. Tweek had been taken from him, he was locked away in the psych ward, not being allowed any visitors except for immediate family members. And though Craig could have argued that being his significant other did apply to the “immediate family” rule, Craig hadn’t even bothered to go back to the hospital. He couldn’t bear the thought of seeing Tweek. He didn’t want to see his boyfriend being held against his will, though it was for his own safety. He didn’t want to see Tweek doped out on anti-depressants and sedatives, he only wanted to see Tweek the way he had been before everything had changed.

He wanted to see the blonde-haired boy and his beaming smile. His cheeks full of color, and his mind high on caffeine. He wanted his Tweek back; he didn’t want this new Tweek. The Tweek that only a few days ago had jumped off a bridge into a freezing river.

Craig’s thoughts were interrupted by a light knock on his bedroom door.

“Craig, sweetie, can I come in?” The voice of his mother asked.

Craig didn’t answer, but his mother still entered his tiny bedroom and sat down on the edge of his bed.

“Craig, I’m worried about you, honey. You haven’t gotten out of bed in days, and you haven’t been eating. I understand that what happened must have been hard for you, and I’m here for you if you ever need to talk…”

Craig looked at his mother, his eyebrows furrowed. “I don’t want to talk. I’m fine.”

“Honey…”

“Mom! Just please leave me alone. I just need to deal with this on my own.”

His mother frowned. “Mr. Tweak told me that Tweek is coming home today. He’ll be attending an outpatient program, but you’ll be able to go and visit him now that he’s out of the hospital! I’m sure he’d love to see you. He really needs you right now.”

“I’ll visit him when I’m ready to.”

“Craig-“

“Jesus Christ mom, can’t you just leave me alone? Maybe I’m not ready to see him yet! And I know you’re only worried about me because you think I’m going to do the exact same thing. You think that if you leave me alone for too long I’m going to go out and jump off a bridge too. Well guess what, mom, just because you’re depressed doesn’t mean you’re suicidal. So, if you don’t mind leaving me alone so I can rest, I’d appreciate that.”

And his mom got up and left the room, without saying a word. But Craig didn’t notice the tears that had formed in her eyes.

***  
Tweek sat on the edge of his bed, staring at the wall in front of him. His father sat opposite of him, sitting on a chair and fumbling around with his watch. They sat in silence for what seemed like forever, until his dad finally cleared his throat to get his son’s attention.

“Tweek, eventually, we’re going to half to talk about what happened… and why it happened.”

Tweek looked down at the cup of coffee in his hand, not wanting to make eye contact with his father.

“I-I know d-dad.” He stuttered out as the caffeine began to take effect.

“Why, Tweek? Why did you do it? I could’ve lost you… And you’re all I have left since your mother left us.”

Tweek sighed. He wished he could explain to his father why he had done it. Why he had decided to take his own life, but he couldn’t begin to justify his actions. There was no single event that had happened that made him want to jump. It was a combination of things. His parents’ divorce, his stress from school, his grades suffering, and his depression just made him feel like he was drowning. All he wanted to do was escape his suffering, and throughout the entire walk to the bridge all he could think about was Craig. Craig was the only one in his mind that was stalling his suicide attempt, and Craig was the one he texted that night. He thought Craig would be the one that would show up and talk him out of it, which he tried to do, but all that Tweek could think about as he stood on the ledge of that bridge was his intention to jump. He had completely given up, and no matter how much he loved Craig and no matter how much the pain in his boyfriend’s voice hurt him as he pleaded for him not to jump, Tweek couldn’t forget about his suffering, and so he let go.

And of course, he regretted it as soon as he woke up in the hospital. His body cold from the freezing water, and his mind felt numb when realizing that his hands were strapped down to the sides of the bed. He hated when he saw an orderly standing in front of his door-less bedroom, giving him no privacy. And the shock of what had actually happened set in as he sat in bed listening to his doctor explained to him that he was being held under suicide watch, his rights taken from him as he was forced to undergo treatment. Tweek, of course, understood why all these precautions were put in place. They were only trying to save him from himself, after all.

But nothing pained Tweek more than when he went into the visiting room, eager to see Craig, and hug him and tell him he was sorry, but was only greeted by the stern faces of his father, and his mother who had drove into South Park as soon as she heard what had happened. But throughout those lonely 72 hours in the South Park hospital’s psychiatric ward, Tweek put on a happy face, trying to fool the doctors into letting him go, while the truth was he was still depressed, and he still felt like complete shit, but he pretended he was doing better, because he knew he needed to get out and see Craig, because Craig was the only one who made him feel alive.

“Tweek, son, you’re going to spill your drink.” Tweek jumped as he had forgotten about his father’s presence. He had been too gathered in his thoughts. His hands were shaking violently; tiny droplets of coffee had already splashed onto his pale fingers. His father took the mug from him, not wanting him to burn himself with the hot beverage.

“D-dad I think I want to g-go to bed now.”

His dad nodded. “Okay son. You’ve had a rough day. But, I want you to keep the door open tonight.”

“D-dad!”

“Tweek, this is not up for negotiation. You tried to kill yourself 3 days ago, and I don’t want you hurting yourself again. I’ve removed all the razors from the bathroom, so if you need to shave in the morning, let me know. I love you son, please be safe tonight.”

And with a small smile his father parted the room, leaving the door slightly ajar. Tweek immediately reached for his phone as soon as his father left, scrolling through the messages.

_Kyle Broflovski: “How are you feeling today?”_

_Stan Marsh: “Hey dude, how are you doing?”_

_Kenny McCormick: “Tweek! Hope you’re feeling better! I’m always just a text away if you need to talk!"_

Tweek smiled at the support from his friends, but was disappointed to see that there were no texts from Craig. Tweek pulled up his boyfriend’s contact information and clicked the “send message” button.

_“Hey babe. Don’t know if you heard but I’m home now. I’d really like to talk soon. Please message me back… I love you.”_

He then set his phone down on the table beside him, anxious to hear the alert tone notifying him of a new message, but none came, and instead Tweek laid there, crying in silence as he thought about how much he let Craig down.

Craig had probably given up on Tweek, just as he had given up on himself.

***

Today was the first day that Craig had ventured outside of his room in 4 days, though he didn’t go far. He only went to take a shower as his mother forced him to get out of bed.  
The hot water pelted at his back as he just stood there, feeling the windowless room fill with steam. He could stay in the shower for hours, the isolation from the world felt good, especially during times when he felt depressed. Unfortunately, the hot water didn’t last forever, and he eventually found himself stepping out of the tub and wrapping a soft, white towel around his shivering frame.

He walked down the hall, and dried himself off, slipping into a pair of gray sweatpants and a black t-shirt. He grabbed his phone off the bedside table, looking through the messages. He hadn’t checked his phone in days, just not feeling up to dealing with the world around him.

He felt a lump in his throat to see an unread message from Tweek.

_“Hey babe. Don’t know if you heard but I’m home now. I’d really like to talk soon. Please message me back… I love you.”_

Craig locked his phone screen, not wanting to respond at the moment. He still loved Tweek, but just couldn’t see him. Not today, anyways. It wasn’t that he was mad at him, of course he was mad at the situation, and he was mad that Tweek thought suicide was the only answer, but he wasn’t mad at his boyfriend for being sick.

After all, you couldn’t blame someone for being sick. You could only blame their brain, their genetic makeup, and the imbalance of chemicals that contribute to someone’s illness.

And Craig knew about depression better than anyone. That’s why he and Tweek related to each other so much. Craig suffered too, and he couldn’t lie and say that he hadn’t thought about suicide himself. But he never acted on it, and he never thought that Tweek would either. He always anticipated that it would be himself, not Tweek, who would eventually give up and end it all.

But he should’ve seen the signs.

He should’ve seen that Tweek was beginning to abandon all the hope that he had held onto to keep living.

And it was the guilt that was tearing Craig apart which was the reason why Craig couldn’t go and see Tweek today. The guilt from not being able to recognize how much his boyfriend was hurting.

And Craig promised that he was going to go see Tweek, he was going to make him feel better, and he was going to save him from himself, just not right now. Just not today, because Craig was afraid what he would do to himself after seeing how fragile Tweek was.

Tweek was broken, and Craig was going to fix him. He just needed to fix himself first.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm now back in school full time, so I cannot update as much as I want to. But I will try and write as much as I can on weekends or evenings when I don't have classes. Hope you enjoyed my latest chapter!

**Author's Note:**

> Reviews are appreciated, but please no hate!


End file.
